Munkay Do List

As I was languishing in my warm bath, a while back, ruminate over my then upcoming birthday, I thought up a few things I am going to do with my last few remaining years. I figure between my chronic illness, experimental substances and procedures, family health history, and stress factor, I am probably now closer to punching out, than clocking in, on my time card called life. I am well aware the Nobel peace prize is not going to fall out of the sky and hit me on my noggin and all the marathons I have planned to compete in were in progress when I came up with the idea of entering them. Here are some things I have always wanted, and can achieve with very minimal effort.

1- Find water proof silicone and caulk the irritating overflow hole in my bathtub. I want my water to be four inches deeper, damn it. Floor tile can be replaced.

2-Call The Rocks agent. Offer him the lead role in my upcoming blockbuster, "Walking Tile Layer Scorpion Down".

3- Cut the metal blades off my white ice skates turning them into the kickinest boots ever. Have dreamed of doing that since I was seven, it's about time.

4- Set the tent up in the backyard and actually sleep in it with the boys instead of promising it like I do every year, but only putting it up after the all day scream fest directed at the three minute fool proof directions. All night, not just till something good comes on TV.

5-Using same tent, dig out my cub-scout leader uniform complete with dorky blue shorts and troupe 173 insignia to do my best to show Hubby what is hotter than any campfire. Risk lifetime banishment from the scouting organization for what I have planned on doing with my bandana.

6- Quit turning sideways while looking in my mirror and sucking in my tummy, and cocking my head to one side. I know already what I look like five pounds thinner and with longer hair.

7-Invent chocolate that improves skin and burns calories.

8-Stop ending every sentence with the phrase, "Thats what I'm talking about." I KNOW what I'm talking about.

9-Reprogram lamewad cell phone answering machine message so I can give out my cell number without feeling embarrassed. Or buy a new one. That's what I am talking about.

10-Tame hair.

11-Learn CPR. Follow The Rock around until he needs it, knock him down if I have to, and perform CPR on him.

12- Practice humble acceptance speech for when awarded my heroism award. Polish white kickin boots for the occasion.

13-Truthfully and proudly answer the correct number, when asked my age, as a child does when questioned. "Yes, I am 29!!!!" Stick out my chest and throw back my shoulders. Grin unabashed.

Yes I do have high aspirations. Attainable achievable aspirations.

14- Hire life coach.

15- Bribe her to do these things for me.